Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Rhapunzel of fire : 13 reasons for long hair and headbanging.

Long hair.

Is so awesome.


Also awesome

exhibit A: Amon Amarth and Anthrax.
They bang their heads and its awesome. Both videos below the first time you see the bands they are all headbanging. I was always on the fence about having long hair, I thought it was sweet but whatever. Then one day I saw Amon Amarth's video for the song "the pursuit of vikings" and really knew that long hair was awesome. Unless you don't headbang. Why would you have longhair and not headbang? You're just as bad as those soccer mom's that drive hummers around and don't run cool shit over. Having long hair and not headbanging in front of bald people is like complaining too somebody in a wheelchair about how far you had to walk. chump.

Scott Ian is the only person who is cool that does not have long hair, but he was way cooler when he had hair. And just check this out, the first thing you see is Antrhax headbanging then just moshing with their guitars and getting awesome.

Exhibit B: Beavis and Butthead

DUH. They may not have long hair but you know they totally would if mike judge (somebody who does not have long hair) wasn't too lazy to draw them with longer hair. But more importantly they bang their heads so hard and do all sorts of awesome stuff. hopefully the new episodes don't suck.

Exhibit C : Candlemass - Bewitched

While this video does not display that much impressive headbanging, the song fucking rules and after the guitar solo at about 5:50 Messiah Marcolin has "bewitched" all these chumps that refuse to headbang and party and then they all headbang and do a wicked stomp back to his grave where he returns to his coffin because he can finally die now that people are headbanging. Awesome.

Exhibit D: Dimebag Darrell

Everybody knows that pointy guitars make people want to headbang more. They were going to name them Dimebag's instead of pointy guitars but Dimebags was already taken both by the dude and the bag of weed so to avoid confusion they went the boring literal route and today they are known officialy as pointy guitars.

Exhibit E: Elves

Yes Elves. Legolas has long hair. Babes love him and who know's more about having long hair than babes? You know that when he totally goes home to brush arrow dust out his hair he first puts on his favorite Rhapsody song cause even though they are enemies in the movie he still loves that Christopher Lee plays an evil wizard and also is a metal head even though a rival wizard cast a spell on him to make his hair not grow. And I know everybody tools on him for shooting arrows or something like that, but check it out: if you shoot arrows and are good at it, then you kill your enemies before they can even get to you and that gives you more time to go make out with hot elf babes and listen to Nightwish. Fuck yeah.

Exhibit F: FIRE

Fire rules. Dudes with long hair love fire because heat and wind (from headbanging) and centrifugal force (also from headbanging but hairnado style) make your hair grow longer.

Although their fire is weak these dudes get it.

Also check out this picture of me headbanging in front of a fire at an old hot dog factory. It's awesome and my hair grew at least 2 inches after this photo was taken.

Exhibit G: Gwar

Gwar rules and while they don't have long hair, they are aliens and probably have the alien equivalent to long hair, definitely. Plus Gwar makes you want to headbang and have long hair so that when you see them live you can use your hair to soak up extra blood and goo that they shoot out over the crowd when they play. Think about it, if you have long hair at a gwar show, babes will think you are an elf and all the chumps with short hair look like idiots when they head bang because they aren't Scott Ian and they aren't getting any babes. Elf babes also like Gwar because like themselves, Gwar isn't human.

Exhibit H: Hammerfall, Headbanging, Hair, Hearts on Fire

Hammerfall did 2 videos for this song. They have some one with skulls on a mountain and theres fire or something, I don't know I can't watch it but the real version of the video is sick. It has: Ice, Babes curling, brooms (for curling but we all know you can use a broom on your hair if you get some dust in it) and most importantly it has the word "fire" in the title of the song. It also is about hammers, and hammers are metal and awesome, Not to mention that there are dudes and babes headbanging together in a room with fog in it during the video. Fog is also very important.

Exhibit I: Iron Maiden and Immortal

Godzilla, Iron Maiden, Headbanging, guitar solos and 666. Party on

Dudes in leather wearing corpse paint headbanging and playing evil looking guitars on top of a mountain in front of lightning. Even though Abbath makes some weird planet of the apes faces in the beginning the rest of this video is sweet.

Also check out this idea I just had: Abbath and Costello.


You may not know this, but at one point Halford had hair. Painkiller is still my favorite priest album but this song is sweet. Check it out: Halford with hair, and suspenders. Rides out on a motor cycle, Glenn Tipton does some sweet dive bombs and then they shred. Judas Priest rules. and Also Without exhibit J, What would exhibit B sing? I know they occasionally did "Iron Man" but everybody knows that Breaking the Law is the better of the two, especially when sung by Beavis and Butthead.

Exhibit K: Kull, The exiled son of Atlantis.

One of Robert E. Howard's creations and a precursor to Conan the Barbarian. Kull kicks so much ass although he does not party as hard as Conan he still paved the awesome bloody road for the coolest dude ever. I'm not necessarilly even talking about the comics Marvel put out in the 1970's or Kull's appearances in The Savage Sword of Conan. I am mostly referencing Robert E. Howard's stories about Kull. There is one in particular titled " By this axe, I rule" in it Kull gets bored being king of Valusia, because its all paper work and red tape, processes and stuff. In the end he gets so bored that he grabs an axe, kills a bunch of people then smashes some stone with a bunch of laws carved into it. Then he says " BY THIS AXE, I RULE". It Rules.
Anyway Kull is awesome, has long black hair, and when he isn't busy being an introspective nerd (like in the Mirrors of Tuzun Thune), he is busy smashing shit with axes and headbanging.

Exhibit L: Lee Aaron

A total babe running around with a sword and headbanging, snakes, and a dude playing drums on the back robot, possibly the same robot that breathes fire and shoots green lasers out of its eyes. DUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHH. This is the sort of thing that happens when your hair gets long enough and you buy a sword to play air guitar on. also check out the highest rated comment.

Exhibit M: Manowar -
This is one of my favorite Manowar songs. Battle Hymn live at Earthshaker fest 2005 from the Absolute Power DvD.

I don't even know where to start. These guys are so cool that if you try to cut their hair your scissors will either melt or freeze and shatter like the T-2000.
I will just share two of my favorite Manowar quotes

"I'm sorry, I don't listen to country music."

* Joey DeMaio when asked what he thought about Metallica.

"I'd rather be dead than have 100 speakers onstage and only 99 working" -

* Joey DeMaio in Hell on Earth part 2.

Hail and Kill!

Party on. Keep that hair growing. and keep headbanging.
More to come. Maybe. -

Slappy Spanksgiving

Embargo on Pennsylvanian goods lifted. Rosetta to make triumphant return to Maine and play a full set (crazy, right?). Everybody gets awesome everywhere.

Saturday, December 11th
@ the Aphodian
107 hannover st, Portland Maine
ROSETTA ( Translation Loss, Philadelphia)

WARANIMAL (Portland Maine)

KYOTY ( NH awesomeness, think scissor fight only not. Its pretty, its loud and it rules)

all ages -
6:30 pm

This is going to be so sweet. Lets party -

also check it out.

I have some other new work and projects that I need to photograph but here are a couple from a little while back.

party on